Connecting at Church and Wimping Out
Ever have those moments when you are transported back to your awkward middle school stage? I had one of those tonight. Driving downtown to a brewery, I couldn’t find a parking spot so I just turned around and drove home. I was supposed to meet a group from church that shared my interest in craft beer. But I wimped out.
Connecting into a new church is hard.
For eleven years of marriage, Hillary and I were always part of churches where I worked. Connecting with people took work but is wasn’t that hard because I was on staff. We developed relationships with volunteers or people in that specific ministry area and it happened naturally.
This fall though we started attending a great church just north of us in Arvada called Mile High Vineyard. Walking into church on Sunday mornings for a few weeks we were anonymous which was actually kind of nice. No one had expectations of us. We were just another family at church.
But then Hillary and I realized it was time to be part of the church community not just a place to worship on Sunday mornings. Mile High made it easy to connect and meet staff with a Connect Lunch on the first Sunday of each month. There were only 15 or so of us and we had the opportunity to meet one of the pastors.
We are still trying to figure out how to meet other families. How do you do that? There are so many fears that run through our minds. If we show up to a small group what if they all know each other really well and we don’t fit in? And do we even have time for more relationships when we are trying to connect with our neighbors in meaningful ways?
Our kids are having a hard time too because they are so used to being the pastor’s kids and all their teachers having to report to their dad. They have to figure out their own identity at church which is even harder when they are in separate classes.
All of this has a point.
Connecting into a new church is hard and it takes time for it to happen naturally. It takes effort and it doesn’t happen overnight.
I also think it is important for pastors to understand how hard it is for people to connect into a church. Create easy avenues for new people to connect with other new people. Pastors, if you haven’t experienced what it is like to connect into a new church when you aren’t on staff, listen to the stories of people in your church who have experienced it.
We are meant to be in community. Church isn’t really about singing and listening to a lecture. It is about discipleship that happens in the midst of relationships.
But like everything that is good in this world, it takes work.